Are Some Women Born with Cha Cha?

Are Some Women Born with Cha Cha?

I was asked this question in a recent interview with CanDace Johnson, a lifestyle coach for single women who runs the website, Sleeping With MANhattan. She read my book, The Cha Cha Club Dating Man-ifesto, and wanted to talk about cha cha and how it relates to dating. This article goes into a bit more detail about her question, “are some women born with cha cha?”


Are Some Women Born with Cha Cha?

I definitely do think some women are born with cha cha but environment plays a huge role. I’m trying to think of women I know, personally, who have lots of cha cha and one in particular comes to mind. We used to go the bar and I would just be in awe of her ability to captivate men and tease and flirt with them. It seemed so natural; I just assumed she was born that way. I talked to her about it and she confessed it wasn’t always the case. She was bookish as a kid and became a stripper when she was about 19 years old. She loved being a stripper and feeling that power over men. She became very comfortable with her body and using it seductively. The experience boosted her self-confidence. She had so much cha cha, it was almost dangerous.

So I think you can learn cha cha from other women in your life, or you can pick it up based on the environment you’re in. I wasn’t born with it. I was born confident but not stripper confident. I was a tomboy and didn’t wear heels until my thirties. When my boyfriend saw a picture of me from ten years ago he practically shuddered. I laughed at his reaction but I couldn’t blame him because I looked really butch. Getting in touch with my feminine side and appreciating it has made me a much happier person. It’s also made me a lot more relaxed. I don’t think it’s any coincidence I get a lot more male attention. That took some getting used to at first. I don’t think you can have cha cha without enjoying your female assets and really loving your body.

I didn’t appreciate my female assets until I travelled to Argentina. I noticed women seemed very proud of their curves there, and it inspired me to dress differently. I stopped hiding my body in loose clothes. I noticed men noticing, and the attention was nice. The men became almost deferential towards me and that made me feel good. Like a lady.

So I learned about cha cha by observing Latin women and when I went to Spain, the whole idea of cha cha crystallized for me. In fact, the women in Spain were the inspiration behind my book, The Cha Cha Club Dating Man-ifesto.


Why do you think women in America struggle with this?

I do think it’s harder for women in North America to embrace their cha cha – especially their femininity and sexuality. We’re really hung up about our bodies, which gets in the way. We also want to be taken seriously in the work place, and as a result, we tend to downplay and suppress these aspects of ourselves or compartmentalize them. Those work personas carry over into other areas of our life.

Sometimes, I think men in North America look at us almost like furniture, not like women. We have encouraged that to a degree. I am sure fear of harassment plays a big role but to be looked at and appreciated as a woman is different from being objectified. I think we’ve confused the two, especially in North America. 

In Canada, and here in Washington, DC where I currently live, it seems that men are very cautious around women. It’s rare to see public displays of affection and it’s even rarer to meet a good flirt. It’s like a man can only work up the courage to flirt or approach a girl if he has some alcohol in him. I think we’ve tried so hard to be equal we’ve neutered ourselves. We’ve suppressed that fun sexuality and now we have no flirting skills. We even buy books to teach us how to flirt – something that’s just a normal part of life in other countries.

People seem afraid to flirt here, or they don’t know how, when all it is is a friendly exchange, a little teasing pick me up between two people. Flirting is pretty innocent and I wish more people would do it – at work, in the supermarket – wherever. There’s a difference between flirting and seduction but again, I think we’ve gotten the two confused and maybe we’re just afraid of things escalating and not being able to control the outcome. It speaks to a lack of confidence. A lack of cha cha.

We need more cha cha in North America.

What do you think? Are some women born with cha cha? Do North American women struggle with it? Share your comments below.

Next: How To Secure A Second Date – Part 1

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Author Adele Frizzell/Sophie Winters

Sophie Winters is the author of two books on dating and relationships. Sophie’s real name is Adele Frizzell. She enjoys travel, hiking, and lifting heavy weights. She is a competitive bench presser, certified yoga teacher, and mountain addict. She loves inspiring people to get more out of life.

Her first book, The Cha Cha Club Dating Man-ifesto is written for all the single ladies, while her second relationship advice book, It’s Not You, It’s Us: A Guide for Living Together Without Growing Apart is for couples who want more joy, intimacy and respect in their relationship. She is working on her third book.

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