Help! My Man is Disconnecting

Help! My man is disconnecting

Rachel Writes: “Please help!! My man just emailed me to say he needs to find his path. I really love him and think we have a great relationship. I don’t want to lose him. What should I do? He lives 100 miles away. I really need some advice on how to respond!” *

Sophie Says: Oh Rachel, I feel for you. Been there, wrote the book, lol.

It’s such a common scenario: man starts out hot and heavy with the pursuit, woman gets won over and starts to have feelings for him, man cools off and becomes distant. Woman wonders what happened. I get into some of the reasons for men disconnecting like this in The Cha Cha Club Dating Man-ifesto but right now I want to answer your question on how to respond.

What To Do If Your Man Is Disconnecting

Rachel, the simple answer is that sometimes a man just needs his space, well and truly in order to sort things out. So give him the gift of missing you. (Sorting out could mean his own life, deciding whether he wants to move things to the next level in your relationship, etc.). As women, we want to sort things out by talking. Men often sort things out by retreating and getting quiet. They might talk to one close friend but pretty much need time alone.

Of course, his request can also be a prelude to a breakup but there is NOTHING you can do about that. The harder you try to hold on and convince him the relationship is great the more he will resist.

My advice? I would tell him the truth about how you feel about his email. Be strong yet feminine. He sent you an email, so match his actions. Email him back.

Let him know what you’re feeling in a sentence or two (for example, it scares you to hear this, you would prefer to talk about this face to face, whatever you are feeling) but that you respect his need for space while he figures things out. Tell him, “you know where to find me” (magic words, trust me) and then get busy with your own life. Mark your calendar perhaps – give him four weeks to contact you. Leave him alone. If he doesn’t contact you during this time, move on.

Bottom line – he probably should have told you in person but I understand he lives far away. He is going through something and needs space so give it to him. Give him so much space he will wonder about you.

Stay busy. Stay strong. Mark your calendar. Give him the gift of missing you.

Guideline #18: Men Need Space to Develop Feelings for You.

Next: Top 4 reasons to buy my book instead of this crazy cat lady organizer.

*Alias used. Question edited for this post.


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Author Adele Frizzell/Sophie Winters

Sophie Winters is the author of two books on dating and relationships. Sophie’s real name is Adele Frizzell. She enjoys travel, hiking, and lifting heavy weights. She is a competitive bench presser, certified yoga teacher, and mountain addict. She loves inspiring people to get more out of life.

Her first book, The Cha Cha Club Dating Man-ifesto is written for all the single ladies, while her second relationship advice book, It’s Not You, It’s Us: A Guide for Living Together Without Growing Apart is for couples who want more joy, intimacy and respect in their relationship. She is working on her third book.

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