How Sophie got her cha cha back

I confess; I lost my cha cha for about a month. A wise-ass told me I should look for it under the bed; it wasn’t there. I actually found it on a hike, but more about that later.

It all started innocently enough — back pain. But not just your run of the mill kinda pain. No this was…special. And not like “man cold” special. This was “slipped disc” special. If you’ve ever had a slipped disc, you know and understand my pain.

I had difficulty dressing. Driving. Sitting. Standing. Sleeping. Since most healing occurs during sleep and I couldn’t sleep…well, I was a mess. I got run down. I developed an annoying eye tic, then even more annoying bronchitis.

I stopped doing yoga and most of the things I enjoy because I was too miserable/tired/in pain. I stayed home and felt sorry for myself. I ate convenience food because I didn’t have the energy to shop and cook and clean. I put on eight pounds in a month. I started wearing my fat pants. I took painkillers to numb the pain; they made me depressed. I isolated myself.

I said no to girls’ nights out and yes to Netflix. I caught up on season three of “The Walking Dead” and read a romance novel in one day. Easter dinner was really special; microwaved turkey wieners + strawberry milk + cheese popcorn and more Netflix.

I stopped doing activity because I was afraid of making things worse. I stopped socializing because I felt depressed.

I don’t use that word depression lightly, but when you stay in bed for an entire day, weeping and worried and feeling helpless there is no other way to describe it.

I lost my cha cha. Big time.

I could feel the sexiness and confidence slipping away; I could observe what was happening to me but felt unable to actually do anything about it. I kept rationalizing I’d sort it all out. The next day. Week. Month. Once my back was better. Once I got over my cold. Once I lost weight. I told myself that this was a “tough time”, and I needed to be kind to myself. (Kind usually means permission to eat lots of crap food and not feel guilty about it.)

I kept waiting to feel better – and I wasn’t. A friend told me that I should make sure one of the side effects of the painkillers wasn’t depression. I had a hunch it was, and started cutting back on the meds. I couldn’t cut back on the sweets though, I had a serious sugar addiction going on and I worried that if I didn’t kick it I’d be upping a dress size soon.

I couldn’t deny the truth any longer; I was letting my back problems run my life. I had to get my cha cha back and I couldn’t just wait for it to happen on its own. When previously mentioned friend asked me out on a hike on the weekend I said yes. I could at least try. If my back wasn’t up for it, I could turn around. I was scared though; what if the hike made things worse?

My friend picked me up in her Subaru and we drove to the base of the snow-covered mountain. She brought her friend’s dog, and I was glad for the furry company. It was slow hiking – I had to stop a few times and each time I could hear my heart pounding like a drum in my ears. My friend was patient and the dog even more so. We made it to the top in record slow time: one hour and 45 minutes; about 30 minutes slower than usual. Whatever. I’d done it and I felt pleased and surprised that my back wasn’t bothering me at all. In fact, what I feared most – more pain – never happened.

A total non-issue.

Let me just rewind that for a sec. That fear – fear of more pain – was a total non-issue. Which reminds me of the Tom Petty quote, “Most things I worry about never happen anyway.”

Afterwards we enjoyed a soak in the local hot springs, at the foot of our mountain. The snow fell around us gently. My friend smiled in delight when a “perfect snowflake” landed on my hair. She was infatuated with the snow flake. I was infatuated with the day.

And that’s how I got my cha cha back.

My slipped disc is nothing in comparison to other people’s troubles but because of it, I have more empathy for those who struggle with chronic pain. I am also reminded of how important it is to keep pushing the limits of what you *think* is possible. Mountains can be climbed simply by putting one foot in front of the other.

Next: Help! My man is disconnecting.

Sophie Winters is the author of two books on dating and relationships. Sophie’s real name is Adele Frizzell. She enjoys travel, hiking, and lifting heavy weights. She is a competitive bench presser, certified yoga teacher, and mountain addict. She loves inspiring people to get more out of life.

Her first book, The Cha Cha Club Dating Man-ifesto is written for all the single ladies, while her second relationship advice book, It’s Not You, It’s Us: A Guide for Living Together Without Growing Apart is for couples who want more joy, intimacy and respect in their relationship. She is working on her third book.