Online Dating and Fantasy Relationships

Online Dating and Fantasy Relationships

The following post is adapted from Chapter 3, “Online Dating” by Sophie Winters, author of The Cha Cha Club Dating Man-ifesto. Now for sale on Amazon.

Online Dating

While half my dates have come from pure randomness, the other half have been very deliberate thanks to online dating. To me, dating sites are just another venue for finding quality men I’m attracted to. Admittedly, most of the time it’s about weeding out men I’m not attracted to, but I don’t get too hung up about that. I want to keep my options open. I use online dating because the odds are that The One doesn’t live next door. In fact, given my age, interests and hobbies and the list of things I’m looking for in a mate, the odds are he doesn’t even live within 10 kilometres of me.

One important thing I’ve discovered when it comes to dating is that a “connection” online through email, texts and phone has absolutely no bearing on whether we will click in person. My advice? Don’t waste too much time; nail that first date as soon as you can and see how you get on face to face.

Guideline #12: Do Not Emotionally Invest in a Fantasy Relationship.

A fantasy relationship is one that develops almost exclusively through text, email and phone. Don’t sext and don’t settle for pen pals if you’re serious about meeting Mr. Right. Never, ever, ever send sexual photos of yourself. You never know where they could end up, or how they could come back to haunt you later.

You’ve already checked out each other’s profiles, you like each other’s pics, you feel you have something in common, so there’s no point in waiting. As I’ve already said, a “connection” online has absolutely no bearing on whether you’re going to hit it off in person or not. Don’t waste the cha cha; get together as soon as possible.

The goal of your first date is not to start a relationship; it’s to figure out if you’re actually compatible, in person. If not, then you haven’t wasted weeks and months and possibly years living in a fantasy.

Don’t despair if you don’t hit it off when you meet; you satisfied your curiosity. Mission accomplished – “Next!”

Next: How Sophie got her cha cha back.


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Author Adele Frizzell/Sophie Winters

Sophie Winters is the author of two books on dating and relationships. Sophie’s real name is Adele Frizzell. She enjoys travel, hiking, and lifting heavy weights. She is a competitive bench presser, certified yoga teacher, and mountain addict. She loves inspiring people to get more out of life.

Her first book, The Cha Cha Club Dating Man-ifesto is written for all the single ladies, while her second relationship advice book, It’s Not You, It’s Us: A Guide for Living Together Without Growing Apart is for couples who want more joy, intimacy and respect in their relationship. She is working on her third book.

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